Familiar Touch

Film: Familiar Touch

Director: Sarah Friedland

Release date: June 20, 2024

Distributor: Music Box Films

When Canadian actor/director Sarah Polley chose an Alice Munro short story about a woman with dementia entering an aged care home as the focus for her first feature film (Far From Her, Polley, 2006), critics remarked that it was unusual—and courageous—subject matter for a young woman making her directorial debut. 20 years on, young American choreographer/director Sarah Friedland has chosen a similar scenario for her own feature film debut, Familiar Touch (Friedland, 2024). The film’s central focus has been viewed by critics as largely unremarkable, indicating how representations of dementia on the small and large screen have become an increasingly mainstream issue in the intervening two decades.

While dementia is no longer the unpalatable subject it was in 1985, when writer Vickie Patik was trying to fund the first feature film dealing with the topic (Do You Remember Love, 1985, Bleckner), films addressing dementia primarily from the perspective of the person with the condition are still relatively rare. Still Alice (Glatzer & Westmoreland, 2014), The Father (Zeller, 2021), Vortex (Noe, 2021), and The Great Lillian Hall (Cristofer, 2024—recently reviewed in this section) are some of the most prominent contemporary examples in this context. Friedland’s Familiar Touch is a carefully observed and considered contribution that takes another step in the development of this significant sub-genre.

When Ruth (Kathleen Chalfant) arrives at an assisted living home, it looks like an upmarket hotel, and she appears to think she is on some kind of vacation. In an attempt to help her adjust to her new surroundings, Ruth’s son Steve (H. Jon Benjamin) says to her: “I don’t know if you remember, but we came on a tour here—for if you ever needed extra care—you chose this place.” The subtle change in expression on Ruth’s face indicates her dawning understanding that this is now going to be her home.

Dementia care scholar G. Allen Power argues for a move away from biomedical definitions and towards an experiential model of dementia, where dementia is understood as “a shift in the way a person experiences the world” (Power, 2014, p. 19). Friedland’s experience as a support worker for artists living with dementia has clearly informed her understanding of the condition from this perspective. Her film focuses determinedly on Ruth’s point of view.

Early scenes establish Ruth as a charming, well-educated, and fiercely independent woman who views her new surroundings and the other residents with detached interest. We see her joining a reading group and finding a kindred spirit during a Virtual Reality activity, with both women laughing quietly at the technology-induced antics of their fellow residents.

One of the many strengths of the film is the way it explores the close relationships that can form between residents in long-term care and those supporting them, from nurses and other health care professionals to the kitchen and cleaning staff. These are the people residents interact with on a daily basis and who often play a significant part in their lives. For people living with dementia, dealing with the constant challenges and changes associated with cognitive decline, the continuity of familiar faces and routines becomes increasingly important.

After Ruth’s admission, Steve is absent from the screen for a lengthy period, allowing Friedland to focus on these developing relationships. Ruth downplays her cognitive changes through light-hearted and flirtatious exchanges with health care worker Brian (Andy McQueen). “I need to play the patient, and you need to play the doctor.” A professional cook, she enters the kitchen with authority, issuing challenges to the good-natured catering team to improve meal choices and presentation. Ruth’s growing rapport with Health and Wellbeing Director Vanessa (Carolyn Michelle Smith) plays a key part in her adjustment to life in the facility (see Figure 1). Friedland makes clear Ruth’s sense of betrayal when Vanessa, who she refers to as her “friend,” eventually decides to leave.

In interviews, Friedland has highlighted her interest in interrogating ageist assumptions about how we are expected to conform to certain identities as we grow older—in Ruth’s case as “Mother, Patient and Old Lady” (Press Kit, Familiar Touch, 2024). Ruth actively resists these labels, asserting a strong sense of self despite the changes she is experiencing and the institutional setting. This includes expressing her sexual identity and desire for intimacy. In the opening scenes of the film, Ruth doesn’t recognize Steve and flirts with him, assuming they are having a clandestine relationship. It is clearly discomforting for Steve, but as with Ruth’s interactions with Brian, it is an important expression of her continuing desire for intimacy.

Sexual expression is often given short shrift on screen, and more broadly in Western societies, where we remain collectively squeamish about acknowledging sexuality and desire in older age. Friedland explores it through brief but poignant moments: Ruth’s outstretched, upturned hand, a gesture indicating a longing for the “familiar touch” of another. A hydrotherapy session is a sensuous experience—the carer handles her body in the water respectfully but with a certain intimacy that Ruth responds to. This scene is also memorable for the way in which the lapping pool water gradually merges into the sound of the ocean as Ruth is transported back to childhood memories of beachside holidays.

Aged care homes are infrequently depicted on the big screen and when they are, it is usually as bleak, even dystopian spaces. Friedland shot the film in an assisted living care home. She worked with residents and staff in a filmmaking workshop and workshop participants then played supporting roles in the film. Familiar Touch feels like an authentic and positive window into the environs and daily routines of an aged care home, albeit one that Brian describes to Vanessa as a “geriatric country club” and unaffordable to many including his wife’s family. We see cleaners vacuuming and mopping floors in real time and meals served in prosaic fashion in the bright dining room. Craft activities, birthday celebrations, and speed dating document the many activities aimed at supporting wellbeing.

Chalfant is simply mesmerizing as Ruth, showing in subtle and sometimes overt ways, the frustrations of dealing with the change in her environment and cognition. In a short but powerful scene, as she stands in the shower, Ruth tries to memorize Steve’s name. “Steve, Steve. He’s my son but I won’t remember.” It encapsulates her insight and the distress caused by her failing memory. In a subsequent scene, Ruth leaves the facility and attempts to buy fruit and vegetables at a local store, enjoying the “familiar touch” of loved ingredients. She is escorted back to the facility by Vanessa and told briskly this is her home now. Ruth’s forceful rejoinder, sotto voce and in Yiddish, “You don’t know where my home is,” is a compelling statement of her sense of self.

Ruth’s continued assertion of her identity, and the importance of carers and family members supporting this, is the fundamental message underpinning Friedland’s film. It is explicitly paraphrased in her choice of final song. The anthemic 1963 appeal for female autonomy, Don’t Make Me Over, spells it out: “Accept me for what I am—accept me for the things that I do.”

References

Bleckner J. (Director) (1985). Do You Remember Love. [Motion picture]. United States: CBS.

Cristofer M. (Director). (2024). The Great Lillian Hall. [Motion picture]. United States: HBO.

Friedland S. (Director). (2024). Familiar Touch. [Motion picture]. United States: Music Box Films.

Glatzer R., Westmoreland W. (2014). Still Alice. [Motion picture]. United States: Sony Pictures Classics.

Noe G. (Director). (2021). Vortex. [Motion picture]. France: Wild Bunch.

Polley S. (Director). (2006). Far From Her. [Motion picture]. United States: Capri Releasing, Pulling Focus Pictures and Lionsgate Film.

Power G. A. (2014). Dementia Beyond Disease. Health Professionals Press.

Press Kit (2024). Familiar Touch. Potential Films.

Zeller F. (Director). (2021). The Father. [Motion picture]. UK/France: Trademark Films/Cine@/AG Studios NYC/Embankment Films/F Comme Film/Film4/Viewfinder.

 

– Rose Capp

Oxford University Press / The Gerontological Society of America. Reproduced with permission of the author. Originally published in The Gerontologist, Volume 65, Issue 12, December 2025, gnaf242, https://doi.org/10.1093/geront/gnaf242